Friday, July 18, 2008

2007 versus 2008

2007 was the worst year of my life. Numerous personal issues were going on in my life which was compounded by the diagnosis of my sister Cynthia having breast cancer.

We lost Cynthia in August 2007. The moments leading to her death were full of very little laughter, being scared, being terrified, praying for God to save her, then praying for God to take her quickly. Her suffering at the end was something I never care to see again. In retrospect, I realize she was in horrific pain that only morphine could try to tame, but it was us as a family that was suffering. Cynthia's belief in God was unwavering. Cynthia knew she was not dying but transitioning to a better place. She never showed fear, she never showed saddness, she never showed remorse, anger, or questioned why God had chosen her. All of the very things that I, myself would have been guilty of. My sister was an inspiration, a rock for all of the lives that she touched.

The year anniversary of her death is fast upon us. I try my best to stay very busy, for it is in those times that I slow down that I am stabbed by the pain of our loss, and it all comes slamming against me.

I have never been so happy for a New Year's Eve as I was to see the dawn of 2008. Closing 2007 was closing a chapter of a horrible book that I had been reading way too long. I knew that 2008 had to be better, I expected it to be better.

For me 2008 has been a year of growing up, getting in touch, and realizing the importance of life, and how truly short it is. 2008 has been good to me. I have enjoyed my new ventures and my new business success, and I know there is but more to come. I know that her death has put me in the place I am now, but I would give it all back just to have her for one more day.

Cancer taught me that things get bad in life, and with cancer just when you think you have seen it as bad as it can get, it will get worse. I have also learned that things will eventually get better. It's all in your attitude and wanting something better, wanting something more. I am excited to see what 2009 will bring.

3 comments:

debbers said...

Your post was so touching. It sounds like your sister was strong and courageous through it all. Know that she IS in a better place and you WILL see her again.

My Crafty Little Page said...

Char - I understand completely about your sister. I lost my only sister to cancer in 2006 and it was grueling. It was three days before Thanksgiving almost two years ago. Unlike your sister she never did acknowledge that she was dying - and I took care of her at her home with hospice even. Anyway - I'm so glad that 2008 has been a better year for you. Hugs, Nancy

jthom03 / Jan Thomason / thomranch@hctc.net said...

Char-latte (i like to pronounce your name, "char-lah-tay" - it's fun:)
first of all, gosh i wish i could remember what you look like! LOL i remember your name and i remember talking about your jewelry, but after that, age sets in and i draw a blank!

what you have written here is beautiful.
i am so sorry that you have had to go through cancer with your sister - someone you were obviously very close to - but i am so happy that you took something so ugly and turned it into something positive.

warmly,
jan thomason